Storytelling
I wrote the screen adaptation of The Ultimate Gift, which shows a grandfather leaving behind legacy videos for his grandson. Each one is an assignment designed to teach him something, with the hope that this spoiled kid, Jason, will become a better person. A person who could then get outside of himself and help others in the world.
The grandfather, Red Stevens (played by James Garner in the film) knew he didn’t have enough time left to help this young man change while he was alive. So he recorded the videos in one day, knowing they’d be watched over time. It was time he personally didn’t have; he was dying.
During the writing process, as getting into the grandson’s head to write his journey, I was struck by how frustrated I felt in penning his dilemma. I’d feel a range of emotions, of a kid who was on such a big journey with a person he’d been at odds with, who wasn’t even alive anymore to confront, to talk to, to challenge, to ask questions.
“I still believe in the philosophy … that a very rich person should leave his kids enough to do anything but not enough to do nothing.”
~ Warren Buffett
When considering one’s family legacy, one of the most important questions facing affluent families is, paradoxically, one that receives the least attention.
Namely: “How much of an Inheritance is appropriate for your children?”
This is a question that few middle class families will ever need to ask themselves. In their case, the amount of money, real estate and life savings that they leave to their children will not pose a risk of changing the lifestyles of those children in a dramatic way.
However, for affluent families, this is a critical issue that requires careful consideration, because it may have a very real impact on one’s legacy.
For instance, without considering the issue of an appropriate inheritance for one's children, a family will find it difficult to engage meaningfully in family philanthropy.
In addition, for some families, leaving the majority of their estate to their children very well may wind up being a curse, instead of a blessing.
Let me give you an illustration of what I mean.
When I bring this question up to my clients, the conversation usually goes like this:
Today is the one-year anniversary of my grandmother's death. She died shortly before what would have been her 93rd birthday. I always knew she had great stories to share with us about her life, growing up in a Catholic family of 16 siblings, in Canada and the States.
Long before dementia harmed her ability to remember a lot of details about her past, I gave her a book called "Reaching Back." It was filled with over 100 pages of questions about various eras of her life and family members. Gratefully, when I gave this book to my grandmother, she willingly began to share her life story with me. It was the late 90s. She labored over page after page, using her own handwriting to fill in the blanks. She even added about six additional long hand notebook pages to elaborate on a story she wanted to be sure to leave behind.
My grandmother gave this book back to me in the early 2000s. I read it back then. But I can't tell you how meaningful it was to go back to reread this book after her death. How grateful I was that she took the time to fill in it! I was also glad I had the foresight to give it to her long before she lost many of her precious memories.
Most of us have overcome challenges in this life, and those experiences have given us untold amounts of wisdom and learning. Although these experiences can be excruciating, their victorious nature inspires us to realize how strong and determined the human spirit really is.
A perfect example of this experience is that of my wife, Irene, who has been diagnosed with an incurable, terminal disease called Primary Amyloidosis. This hideous disease produces an abnormal antibody in the bloodstream which attacks and annihilates internal organs. We have chronicled her story in the book Irene's Journey of Faith and in her blog at www.irenedias.com. In these formats, we have chronicled the colossal challenge of living through a circuitous stem cell transplant at the University of California, San Francisco Medical Center, two trips to the Intensive Care Unit, a Code Blue, two detached retains and the subsequent blurred vision through steroid treatment protocal, the 24/7 chronic nausea which lasts to this day and the three days a week of kidney dialysis that she faces each week.
How do we transfer our most dearly held, intimate, private and personal values from one generation to the next? Is it even possible to do so?
The transfer of our material assets from one generation to the next is perhaps the easy part ... either good planning was done with competent advisors or otherwise. The lingering matter is how do we, practically speaking, transfer our values, beliefs, life lesson and stories so that we can successfully commend them from one generation to the next? How much learning has been lost in the passing of one generation to the next?
I have become convinced that media and film is the most effective way to transfer who we are, what we've learned, and what we believe to the next generation. The evidence for this approach is tied directly to the power of visual imaging and the adoption of new technology. The proliferation of handheld devices with all their toys and whistles, the huge number of Facebook and other social network tools and emerging self publishing platforms argue that "every life matters" and colossal amounts of collateral material can and will be accumulated over a lifetime!
How many times in your life have you longed to do something but never got around to doing it? It’s certainly true for me! I really want to visit aging relatives more often; I really want to spend more quality time with my children; I really want to do more good in the world; I really want to ... you fill in the blank!
The very same matters confront us when it comes to capturing the essence of our elder loved one’s life. Recently a good friend, John, lamented that his wife had always longed to record audio of or film her mother. With camera or recorder on, she longed to inquire about her extended family, her experience as a young girl, learning more about the experience of her parents, grandparents and beyond. She wanted to capture the essence of the learning and wisdom that she had gained through a life well lived. She longed to have her “on camera” so that she could speak to future, yet to be born, family generations. She longed for her family’s faith tradition to be aptly expressed and captured for her children’s children. The longing of his wife’s heart passed in the passing of her mother ... unfortunately, that opportunity and those good intentions were now gone ... forever.
Hear this, you elders;
listen, all who live in the land.
Has anything like this ever happened in your days
or in the days of your forefathers?
Tell it to your children,
and let your children tell it to their children,
and their children to the next generation.
Ancient Wisdom Writings
Thesis: We can do a better job of passing our stories and life lessons on from one generation to the next.
Most of us long for our heirs to have a better quality of life than our experience. That longing begs that many questions be asked and answered, among them are these:
- What is the BEST way to improve their lives and transfer our life lessons so that they are inspired, mistakes are not repeated and they’re able to make better decisions?
- How can people translate important life lessons of the past into pragmatic next steps for the future?
- How do we convey those lessons so that those who follow us can build on a solid foundation?
Can you create history in advance?
What would it look like if you could pull out a DVD and have your great, great, great grandparents speaking into your lives from their personal life experience? You would be able to see, listen and observe in their words, their body language, their clothing, their home, their work ... within the context of their lives. You would hear about the obstacles they faced and had overcome. You would hear about their relationships. You would hear about what was important to them. You would hear about what they built and their own personal, intimate aspirations. Would it not be overwhelming? Would it not be inspiring? Would it not also help you gain perspective and context for the life that you live today?
So, envision this ... which is, perhaps, the next best thing ...
The name of this website was inspired by a quotation from author Tim Kimmel: "You've been given a piece of history in advance — a gracious gift you send to a time you will not see."
When we think of legacy, it may be that we think of our estate, our financial arrangements, etc. But the "piece of history," the "gracious gift" we are encouraging you to consider is not a monetary legacy, but a legacy of values: those priceless intangibles — all that we have learned, all that we have overcome, all that matters most to us .... and to those who follow in our footsteps.
Will you follow the path of ancient wisdom?
Hear this, you elders;
listen, all who live in the land.
Has anything like this ever happened in your days
or in the days of your forefathers?
Tell it to your children,
and let your children tell it to their children,
and their children to the next generation.
The journey ahead of you is a long one. But the reward which awaits you and which awaits your future generations is the planting of a heritage with lasting significance.
There is no doubt that you will send a legacy to future generations. The question that must be answered is, "What legacy will you send?"
| May 2013 | ||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| S | M | T | W | T | F | S |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | |||
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | |
Dave Dias
Michael Corwin
John Erik Fraker
Dr. John Townsend
Cheryl McKay
